Glossary for: My God, It's Full of Stars

Glossary for "My God, It's Full of Stars"
Dennis J. Lau

Appointment:
The appointment for the LASIK surgery is an hour. They also ask that you arrive a half an hour early. So that's an hour and a half out of your life. When I asked a post-op LASIK patient, "why all that time if it's a minute per eye?" He answered, "They need all that time to fill out the waiver and count your money."

Diopter:
A unit of measurement that tells you how blind you are. The degree that your eye focuses in front (myopic) or behind (hyperopic) your retina is measured in diopters. Myopics are nearsighted and require a concave lens in front of the eye to adjust the focal point aft. Glasses on a myoptic makes their eyes look smaller. While hyperoptics are farsighted and require a convex lens in front of the eye to adjust the focal point forward. Glasses on a hyperoptic makes their eyes look larger.

Diopters are also used to measure astigmatism, but I don't understand that at all, so I guess I only get half credit for this answer.

G	Garuda: The proud national flag carrier of the Indonesia. Don't ask me to go into this. Girlfriend: What? You need a definition? Give me a break.

L	LASer In-situ Keratomileusis (LASIK): A microkeratome is used to cut a flap of uniform thickness. The flap is folded back to expose the inner layer of the cornea. Then an excimer laser is used to reshape the inner layer and the flap is folded back over. See your doctor for a better explanation.

M	Microkeratome: Similar to a miniature motorized carpenter's plane that the surgeon uses to slice a thin flap over your cornea.

Patient Education Videotape:
Not a single Asian face appears in this video. The good and gracious Dr. Caster assures me that this innocent slight will be corrected in the next edition.

PhotoRefractive Keratectomy (PRK):
An excimer laser is used to change the shape of a 5 to 9mm area on the surface of the eye. For myopia, they remove 5-30% of the thickness of the cornea. About 1 to 3 human hair widths.

R	Radial Keratotomy (RK): A surgeon uses a blade to cut radial incisions on the surface of the eye to reshape the cornea flatter. If you look at a person's eye that has had the procedure, it looks a little like a halved orange. Do not try this at home.

V	Valium: Sugar pill. Placebo.